some days i think about it.
Why my work is not cool when same some cases？
Now i have a condision including this cases.
sometimes, I was lost when i was painting harder.
I guess the painting harder, it may be a havy problem.
most the cases ,I lose in nearly type cases mistakes.
I must tell me take it just easy, maybe.
I often got panic when i was in painting harder.
I almost always, feeling good in the panic. and then I Could get feeling me sence getting better and deeper.
I think the good feeling is trap.
Very tired sense is looks high, looking from the same parson.
it is not good.
I thinking biggest problem now is i don`t have any sense awake a border ,make sense different good work and bad work of me.
Some days ago, I went to the Japanese ilands.
The aim was a submition of a art project there.
It was a final test for their diciding select artists joing the project.
The test was talk to them there.
A gallery have the project. The female gallarist and some parson were there to talk me.
Then, she aske me some questions. "how about this local area?" " how do you think you can here for the project?"
I said then It looks shiny and bright good place but I didn`t see bad weather there and I like the view old parsons plant flowers there in welcome mind.
"I can talk old people here and draw and painting them like a portlate"
The area is local point. few young people and many old people.
She told me they are lonly, and if somebody young talk them, they get happier.
And then, she asked me, "Can you use bamboos?"
She have a trouble in too many bamboos around the gallery.
I suggested about bamboo paper.
After the test, I got home in Tokyo.
And I recieve e-mail from her. The e-mail wroted that she want me to help the bamboo trouble but it is not same art project.
I will the answer result of the test tomorrow or next tomorrow.
Wish my win. but I`m getting feeling not good.
It`s not save feeling becaus of fear of waiting test result.
When I got the test I got terrored. I`m not like talk about my art.
And I think my art statement is not strong.
This weekend, I`ll go try making bamboo paper in Chiba. I know a friend being interested in bamboo paper, he is going to make it week end. he is now in Chiba.
The gallerist tell me she can help for making paper some hours ago.
I was helped sometimes by calling a girlfriend in this few days . Then I got realy safe feeling.
My studio member is good artist its also good help for me.
At least it`s better feeling than before finishing big painting.